Updated: Jul 23, 2020
So many women I talk to struggle with their own self-worth. They feel like they aren't good enough, smart enough, or valuable enough to have the things that they want and need to succeed in life.
Even worse, many believe they are unlovable and spend too much time and energy trying to prove their worth.
It's a deep-seated emotion that impacts the choices they make in both their life and business – and sadly, it can feel like something so ingrained that it just seems normal.
I am intimately familiar with struggling for the feeling of worthiness. I watched some of the most important women in my life struggle with their own self-worth, and I spent years believing that success, love, and safety was for everyone but me.
This lack of self-worth usually comes from a lack of unconditional love and support as children that sticks with us as we grow. But it can also develop when a high level of importance is placed on achievement as a way of earning love.
For example, your father only tells you how much he loves you and is proud of you when you get good grades or hit a game-winning home run on your school's baseball team.
These types of displays of emotion cause us to think and equate love with achievement, so we spend much of our time running for the next accomplishment to get that praise and satisfaction and prove we are worthy.
This can create toxic and codependent relationships that make it difficult for you to truly feel comfortable and happy with the people in your life and with yourself. In business, this can completely sabotage your efforts and ability to build and scale your income.
When you struggle with self-worth in your business, it usually shows up as poor money management, procrastination, and a lack of action out of the fear of failing and proving your unworthiness.
Ask yourself these questions:
✅Do you find yourself continually giving away all the value of your expertise for free because you are scared to ask for a sale?
✅Do you have goals and plans to launch programs or services that sit on the shelf because you are afraid no one will want them?
✅Do you undervalue and undercharge your services because you worry that you might not be a good enough investment?
These are all signs that you don't truly value yourself, and are likely seeking external forces to validate your worth – and it is going to keep sabotaging your business until you make a conscious decision to change.
If you resonate with this message, I want to remind you of some essential truths that will get you on the path of healing and thriving in your life and business again.
You Are Enough
This can be a hard statement to internalize especially if you have been equating achievement and action with your self-worth.
It goes against everything you have been conditioned to understand about your value – but it is unequivocally true.
No one gets to decide what makes you worthy except for you, so don't fall into the pit of defining yourself by other people's standards.No one gets to dictate what makes us worthy – what is or is not enough for us.
YOU are the decision-maker in your life, and if where you are at right now is working for you, then you are more than equipped in understanding yourself to say, "this is good."
You don't have to be a 6-figure earner to feel worthy, knowing you are taking steps to get there is enough. You don't have to shout it from the rooftops at all hours of the day, knowing inside that you are making progress can be enough.
Merely getting yourself out of bed and checking your emails can be enough sometimes. I know, I've been there too. Never let anyone else butt in with what they believe you need to be doing and dull your shine – and don't compare yourself to others to somehow decide how good or worthy you are.
Some of us have suffered a great deal of trauma in our lives and that has conditioned us to feel unworthy. But we push past it, believing that we are weak and even more unworthy for feeling traumatized in the first place.
It's like putting the blame on yourself for things that happened to you that were entirely out of your control, and it is a terrible state to live in. I know this because I personally have experienced a trauma that profoundly and instantly changed my entire life literally in the blink of an eye. To survive it, I ignored it and decided I would just keep going forward as if nothing really happened. That was a mistake.
Circumstances finally kept pushing me miles beyond my comfort zone, and I came to a crossroads where I knew I had to face myself and my mindset issues.
I was beyond scared (more like terrified) and had no idea where to take my life and career.
Whenever I tried to take action, I would revert back into that traumatic state and feel so unworthy that I never felt good about myself for a long time.
Once I finally accepted that it was OK for me to feel that way and that I didn't have to be so hard on myself to heal, I really started making progress in working through that trauma.
So, remember, it is OK to be gentle with yourself, take baby steps if you need to, it doesn't make you weak… it makes you stronger in the fact that you continue to work towards a better mindset and life for yourself.
You Aren't Alone
Many people retreat into themselves and hide the fact that they are struggling because of their feeling of unworthiness and believing there is something wrong with them that is unique to only them.
Social media doesn't help with this since we are all connected all the time, and of course, what most people share with the world is a rosy version of their life laid out to simply prove they have their stuff together.
That's not always the case, though.
Even businesses that seem to be profiting beyond belief, boasting of their lead generation and conversions could very well just be trying to convince someone… anyone, that they are good enough to work with.
Our stories are all unique, but our suffering does not have to be alone, and when you learn to open up and ask for a lifeline – you open up a world of people who have also gone through feeling the same way, or are still working their way past it as well.
If you need support in your business and life, someone to talk to that gets it and won't waste your time trying to convince you that your worst fears are right, I want you to reach out to me.
Let's set up a time to chat about how to move forward. Book a time here.
TO UPGRADE YOUR INNER VOICE, SILENCE YOUR INNER CRITIC, AND INSTALL YOUR INNER CHEERLEADER!
(While opening the doors to abundance, freedom, and success today!)